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He tucks his tips safely away and walks to his car. You were beautiful and funny and took no shit, never backed down and got shit done. I'm shoving back the chair before it occurs to me it could be mom or Jess. I dig in my pocket, pull out my phone and snap a quick shot. Hernando tips his hat and the tall American wanders away to sit on one of the benches and stares out at the ocean. He wants to offer to buy him a beer but knows that's foolishness. " James Vandermach pulls his sunglasses off and rests his head in the palms of his hands. The second time, or maybe it's the third, the knock is louder, the fly has landed on my cheek, and I have no choice but to deal with it. The hat has a French Foreign Legion style curtain of cloth to protect his neck. Today, what he smells is seaweed festering in the heat. I remembered how you would lie down with me sometimes to take a nap." She looks up at me. He's in the shade but he pulls his hat low to protect his face. He finds the ocean, water in general, to be the most relaxing sound, sight, smell in the world. Today, even with his sunglasses, it's too bright, too blue. I've head of automatic writing but automatic drawing? I'd ended up asking for a few sheets of printer paper from the front desk. " He shakes his head as he lays the drawing back down. I know the gist, the rough outline of her life before I met her, but that's it. " He gives me a sharp look, anger flickers in his eyes. The idea for the drawing popped into my head as soon as I snapped the photo. The gift shop had pencils, not drawing pencils, just plain old yellow No. No one writes letters these days, so the only paper was a couple of yellow legal pads that were so old they had faded from yellow into more of a pale, dying, lemon color. She'd shut down, close herself up into a little ball and change the subject. Who was I to say what the best way for her to deal with her childhood was? "Come on, follow me." I hurry down the hall and open the door to our room. I skip the path and hop over the waist high wall that separates the two patios. Dad is always fussing at mom about forgetting to lock the patio door. Let us in or I'll call security, tell them you're in there sawing away at your wrists or something. I'm not sure how much better the psych hospitals are here than the prisons. " "Sweetheart, if you think I'm not..." I interrupt her, a rarity. Why are you so afraid of me, afraid of dad, of Jess, for that matter? Some of us, me at least, where afraid to, afraid that was the last thing you wanted, not the thing you craved. Tell me the truth, mom, do you really believe thinks you're not very smart? I was mortified when I started to cry in front of him. Would we still be walking around, totally misreading each other? I can't imagine dad is any bigger douche than my douchey brother." She tosses me a smile. Besides, you don't have to cry, just fucking talk to him and in person, not over a shitty cell phone connection. I have a key but it won't open." Jess looks worried. "I don't what's wrong with you but I've never seen you like this. How do you know dad hasn't totally missed that you're tough as nails act is just that, an act? " "Mom, I'm not claiming any credit, because it was an accident," Jess intercedes. I knew he thought I was a bitch and I thought he was a jerk and an asshole. Crying in front of him was a total accident but what if it I hadn't? Tell him you don't want him to go." "I will not cry just to keep your father." Jess stares at her. If you really love him and don't want to lose him, why the fuck not? Promise you'll stay and at least try to talk to dad.
Yesterday, it finally got through to me that I was wrong about Jess. I don't think I ever saw her cry." "Why was she crying? And Alex has been cheating on her." "I always hated that smarmy little fucker," dad snarls. If she's locked the bathroom door I tell myself I'm calling security. "Will you two please, for the love of God, leave me the fuck alone for a few minutes? Talk like that will only extend your stay," I tell her, trying to smile. And..." I look at my mother with more than a little trepidation. It's Jon." Despite my fear, I find time to chide myself for being stupid. "No, it's probably best if I'm not here when he gets back. For all I know, he skipped Tulum and headed to the airport himself." "He wouldn't do that without telling us," Jess whispers. It's only in the last day I realized how wrong I was, what a total asshole I was. If she went outside this morning we might get lucky. Even if daddy pops for an air ambulance you'd be in for a night or two of padded rooms." I gape at my sister. "Of course, I know you're tough as nails but that's not all you are and you don't have to be around us. Don't go." "Let me think about it." At the sight of Jess' smile, mom frowns. I said I'd think about it." She flaps both hands at her children. " "No can do, mother," Jess calls through the door. "You wouldn't dare do any such thing, Jessica Anne! This is a test of how much of the old mom is lurking behind this new, strange, almost vulnerable being that looks like my mom. "You put on as great a show, if not a better one, than Jess does. He got a washcloth and cleaned the runny mascara off my cheeks.